NLS Chronicles: It’s a Boy! (1)

A couple of weeks post delivery.

A lot has happened since my last update of this journal of mine, but I assure you that the journey just got a lot more interesting albeit challenging.

It wasn’t much of a challenge going to classes with pregnancy, in fact, it was fun. Some privileges came with that and I enjoyed every bit of it. Also, I try as much as possible to carry myself in a way that made people believe that I was strong, I had to bring myself to be strong anyway, even though half of the time, I was filled with anxiety, stress and fear, and the other half, I was hopeful, optimistic and full of faith. I would wake up each day asking Allah to keep me strong and make my studies, the pregnancy and delivery easy for me. I cried more times than I could ever recall and sometimes, I simply wanted to leave it all behind, go home and simply relax and be taken care of: I mean, I wanted to give it all up! Especially during my last trimester. Come to think of it, who wants to wake up every single day to constant back aches, joint loosening, periodic Braxton Hicks contraction, general tiredness, amongst other such symptoms, and still have to go sit in a 5-hour class?

Now, with a few weeks old baby, my life just got more interesting and studying a lot more tasking.
I am grateful to God for an amazing support system however, my family – my mother especially, she is always there for me, even at the point of delivery, she always has been: from the first up until this present one, I am glad this was no exception and I am full of appreciation to my creator that He has blessed me with her.

Words can not quantify my emotions at the thought of my husband and how Allah has made it possible for him to witness and in fact be a part of the birthing process. I am overwhelmed with Gratitude to my Lord and I am glad that He allayed my fears in that regards.

These past few weeks have really not been a rosy one, not even close! In between trying to keep up with supplying my baby’s breastmilk and catching up with studies; the former I’ve been doing quite well, can’t say much about the latter; it’s been a herculean task, that one.

I won’t bother to get started on the physical changes my body has experienced and is still experiencing, although folks are full of compliments upon setting eyes on me and some even expressed shock upon their knowledge that I’d only just put to bed, I know that I am not fully healed and I pray to Allah to hasten my recovery and to keep me healthy, I still battle with post-partum symptoms and I am sometimes scared, hoping I’m not pushing myself too far…

To be continued!

Mar’yam Thaoban
NobleHeart
18.3.’22

NLS Chronicles Wk5: It’s My Graduation!

Mar’yam Thaoban LL.B (Hons), AICMC, B.L (in View)

It was such a wonderful and memorable week for me, the days of the week started and ended just as I had envisaged – running by in a flash. By midweek, Wednesday exactly, I couldn’t attend class, it was my graduation from school! And I didn’t want to miss it for anything – The journey of five-years-turned-six had finally come to an official end, and I alongside thousands others were admitted as degree-holders, with the whole ceremony that accompanies such event. It was fun experiencing it all, and I felt absolutely thrilled and grateful to my creator for the journey that led me up until that moment. Some had said “why the need for celebration, this isn’t the real deal, wait until your call to bar and do a bigger celebration.” I said: if only you knew. This is actually as much a big deal for me as would any other celebration to come.

My parents, children and some close family members came to celebrate with me, it was a moment of joy and pride for me and my parents especially, and my kids were full of questions. I remembered attending my mother’s graduation some twenty-something years ago, and the feeling of hope and determination it awakened in me, I told myself I would love to go to that school and put on their graduation gown too someday, here I was! I didn’t end up attending the University of Ibadan, but I have another graduation gown and cap on and I wanted my children to witness that, with the hope that somehow, someway, it would awaken something in them too. I did tell them in fact, that someday in sha Allah, they’ll be in a gown similar to this, being celebrated by all and sundry. I was elated to have them with me on such a day.

The week was an emotionally draining one for me as well, I cried more than I’d done in a while, upon remembering my late husband and his impact in my life, how much he supported my dream to study law and ultimately become a lawyer, even when it appeared that our marriage was suffering due to the pursuit of my dreams. I remembered telling him I could do without studying law, I was willing to forego my dream of becoming a lawyer and I should simply continue with my journalism, afterall it was a field I was passionate about and I did absolutely well there, graduating as the only distinction student of my set, I’d only just completed my National Diploma in Journalism from NIJ – The Nigerian Institute of Journalism, then. He reassured me that we were going to work around our differences, that the pursuit of my dream is only a number of years to attain to reality, he encouraged me to get the jamb form and prepared my mind to go after my dreams. I recalled how we had to deal with his sickness when I was in my penultimate year in unilag, how we had to travel to India at the start of the session for his treatment, missing out on crucial academic works and returning to school simply to write my exams, the grace of God that saw me through that, and the favour that God bestowed upon me in seeing me through the completion of that school session without any issues with my grades despite having to leave school for weeks again in our second semester, as we had to travel to India again to complete his treatment. I remembered his selflessness and smiles in the face of it all, his words of encouragement and his constant reminders, his acceptance of me and my flaws, his loving chastisement when I erred and much more. The tears were uncontrollable, still were as at the moment I was putting this down.

Then came the time after his loss during the “Pandemic year”, when I had to show up and resume school after my “iddah” (mourning period of four months and ten days), weathering the storm of my grief and a loss of a huge support system, I had considered deffering the session until I was much more healed and ready for any stressful academic work, even at the point of writing my exams, I simply wanted to leave it all behind and move on with what’s left of my dream(life) – taking care of my kids and myself, being there for them all I can and striving to be better with what he’s left me with. But I rose, through Allah’s blessings in form of loved ones who rallied around me: encouraging me, supporting me, my children inspiring me, His mercy over me in making me experience love again from where I least expected, His promise of ease manifesting in my life, I remembered all this and I cried even more for here I am today.

This is a story of Grace, Mercy and sheer Triumph! And of blood, sweats, a live lost, another regained. A story of resilience, failure and strength, Gratitude, joy and love, And of true pride, success and favor unmatched. This is my story! And which of the favors of my Lord will I deny? Absolutely None!

At the end of the week, when all was said and done, I looked forward in excitement and expectation of a great sight, a comfort and joy to behold, a hope for my weary soul, a gift of Allah the most beneficient…But I was reminded of Allah’s words: “…But they plan, and Allah plans. And Allah is the best of planners.” Q8:v30

Now I wake up each day, to a renewed hope and optimism, and an unwavering trust in Allah as the best disposer of all affairs. I believe “…if He (Allah) intended some mercy for me, could they withhold His Mercy?” *Say: “Sufficient for me is Allah; in Him those who trust (i.e. believers) must put their trust.” Q39:v38

Mar’yam Thaoban NobleHeart 23.1.’22

NLS Chronicles Wk4: Holiday Is Over!

With mixed feelings I got back to school and braced for impact – I already heard gists of the bulk of academic workload awaiting us upon resumption, we’ve been at child’s play for  our first couple of weeks of lectures and now the real work was about to start!

We had to do some sort of re-registration upon arrival at the hostel, there was such a long queue of people and things; bags and belongings littered every where in the hostel premises and there was barely space enough to place one foot after another – “Lagos is the real trenches” some would say, I couldn’t agree less. Upon our return, we already amounted to one thousand two hundred (more or less) students – “aspirants to the bar” we are called.

The mic. came to me this week too, during our Professional Ethics and Skills class, and I’m proud of myself and glad to announce that I didn’t disgrace my village people; the first was during Property Law Practice in our second week of lectures and I scaled it, yippee! (my NLS, Lagos Campus, folks especially would understand). My routine has changed, I now had to attend classes with the afternoon stream. I initially wasn’t looking forward to it, but upon starting on Monday I realised it wasn’t that bad, in fact, I have come to prefer it over going for lectures in the morning. The best part is that I have the luxury of reading for at least two to three hours before leaving for class, take a few minutes nap and to observe my noon prayer (salatu zZhuhr) as well. The “real deal” had only just started and we all are beginning to feel it, I intensified in my Supplications for ease because I realised getting all anxious and overwhelmed would do no good. I also wake up each morning to a renewed goal of “I am doing this!” so help me God.

“…say, “Sufficient for me is Allah ; there is no deity except Him. On Him I have relied, and He is the Lord of the Great Throne.”Q9:v129

My children are aware of my change in schedule too, so we get to talk only in the early mornings or later in the night, as opposed to when we first resumed and we talked in the morning sometimes and immediately after classes at noon. I believe My daughter became more understanding of my plight after she saw my textbooks during the holiday, she initially could not fathom why mummy had to keep reading despite that we were on break. We talked about how the nature of my intended profession requires I read a lot, and they cut me several slacks, they helped around the house a lot too within that period and I was really grateful to God for the little things I was able to achieve within that short break.

On the last day of the week, I woke up full of excitement – it was the last day of the week so why not?! Just before leaving for class, I had a brunch of well-made pancakes and washed it down with a sweet rich coffee drink which I ordered for. I suddenly realised just how fortunate I’ve been; I’ve had the best meals all through the week as my brother-in-law made arrangements with some restaurants to get food delivered to me after class each day. It didn’t occur to me early enough just how much of a blessing that was, it dawned on me gradually, the thought of not having to worry about what to have for dinner, or having to step out to “hunt” for something good enough to eat at the end of the day, considering the fact that we are only usually able to have one good meal a day as time only permits for snacks and fruits in between reading, attempting given tasks at group discussions and attending classes. I ended the week full of gratitude and high hopes, there’s still so much reading and catching up to do but the weekend as usual is for my loved ones and I just couldn’t wait to spend it with them. Also, I have two great events I’m looking forward to the coming week – I would definitely share with you, bi idhnillah!

Mar’yam Thaoban

NobleHeart

15.1.’22

NLS Chronicles Wk3: Home, Sweet Home!

Our last week on campus just before the holiday break wasn’t really eventful, save for the lecturers actually rushing us through the course work for the week in a bid to balance meeting up with the new timetable and discharging their duty to teach us following a strict and detailed course outline. Lectures are only supposed to be for a specific number of weeks and each week has been designed in such a way that all the topics that need to be taught must be taught, there is no room for spill overs: especially not in the Almighty Lagos Campus with its yet-to-be-matched history of excellence. Sometimes I really feel for the lecturers too actually, they are as affected as we are with this new development, perhaps even more than we are. They are the ones who’ll have to spend nothing less than 8 hours teaching 2 streams of students, ensuring that nothing is left out.

It was such a relief though, the mere thought of having three whole weeks to ourselves: no 8am classes, no mandatory group meetings, no personal/group tasks, no “pass the microphone to your neighbour”, Et cetera.

The week came to an end so quickly for me, I had to constantly ensure that the plans for my event for the weekend were in place: my NGO would be having its fifth anniversary and we plan to celebrate it as a dinner/Award night, we also would use the opportunity to unveil our mega project which involves building a home for Destitute children. It is my hope that we are able to get people key into this dream so we can all collectively bring it to reality. I was looking forward to a fulfilling weekend, albeit stressful.

My daughter had called me earlier in the week to inform me of her state of health, I wasn’t too pleased, in fact, I was scared and sad I couldn’t be there with her. She’d only just recovered from typhoid-malaria illness before I resumed school, and I could not think of why she was complaining of the same symptoms again. I spoke with my mom about my worries and informed her of my discussion with the doctor, I knew she was in good hands but I simply couldn’t help but wish I was there with her. My husband also assured me she’s going to be fine and he made sure he was in touch with them every now and then. Each time I called or received her call, one thing that tells it all is her voice: with her, I sometimes wonder how much she communicates just with the sound of her voice, I can tell just how happy, sad, hopeful, discreet even, she is with a single “hello mummy”. By Friday, she sounded better and I was grateful to my God. I’ve experienced the sickness of a loved one – one of the worst kinds, I seek refuge in my creator from any experience that would bring that memory close to me again.

“I seek protection in the perfect words of Allah from every evil that has been created.”
[Muslim]

It is narrated that the Prophet (ﷺ) used to say the above dua for the protection of al-Hasan and al-Husayn (His grandsons). This is a beautiful dua for protection of family members, especially our beloved children.

On the last day of lectures for the year, the excitement in the air was uncontained, practically everyone deserved the break and looked foward to it.
Our lecturers too I’m sure. As soon as the class was over, students were seen immediately getting their bags and belongings, and vacating the halls of residence, a good percentage left on that day: those who had a flight to catch, and those who simply couldn’t wait to leave the past few weeks behind also. I however made sure I completed my registration process, “the medicals”, I then treated myself to a nice plate of ofada rice which I ordered from a newly-found-favourite restaurant in the area. By night-time I had a good long sleep through the night. oh, how much I needed that! A luxury we’ve missed these past couple of weeks.
I was glad for one thing – I didn’t have to take my stuffs back home with me as I’d feared, that was one of the advantages of staying in the Executive room where I stay with my friend. I left with just my books which I hope I would be able to read and my dirty laundry. The drive down home didn’t look so daunting in the morning as it would have been if I’d left the day before.

I miss school already though.
Barely a week into the holidays, I’m here dreaming about classes already!

Well, the weekend was highly fulfilling, I was elated to meet my children and family in good health, the event went well and I felt honoured greatly by the amazing number of people who showed up simply to celebrate with us, with me. I was also taken by surprise when my team mates presented me with an “HERO OF THE YEAR” award. It was a very sweet and touching moment for me, a tear even escaped my eyes. A few days after, I recovered from the illness caused due to how much I’d stressed myself at the event. There were moments when I cried out in pain though, but it was all worth it, and my husband was there on the other end of the line, keeping me together.

The kids are presently on visitation at their uncle’s, to spend the holiday with their grandma and others. My son had said to me before they left “mommy don’t worry, nobody would disturb you now and you can rest well”, if only he knew just how much I’ll miss them; I’m missing them greatly as it is. I’d hope to spend this period with them before leaving for school again, but I’m glad they are able to spend some time with their father’s mother, the loss of her son – their father – has not exactly been easy on her. I’m sure they’re having a terrific time. I’m here, just resting and trying to catch up on lost sleeps and good meals.

The only thought on my mind while bedridden was …”My Lord has honored me.”
Q89:v15

For indeed He has!

Then which of the favors of your Lord do you doubt?
Q53:v55

Absolutely none!

Mar’yam Thaoban
NobleHeart
24.12.’21

NLS Chronicles Wk2: The Initiation.

Another week has come to an end, and oh, what a relief! This week was an amazing and eventful one, personally for me, the former especially, and the latter for us all collectively. We started off with our induction on Monday and by Tuesday we’d been properly briefed and introduced into the system.

We were “initiated” in fact on that Tuesday: the rules, principles, code of conduct, penalties – queries, threat of disbarment, rustication, etc., trust the Legal profession to hold you to the highest of standards – “Fit and proper” is the watchword. Most of us were lost at first, but we quickly got a hold of ourselves – well, I did, that much I can say for myself. “It would all be over soon” I promised myself.

I’ve heard (most of us have actually) a whole lot about how rigorous and tasking law school is, Lagos state campus especially, raised to the power of two for whatever is going down in other campuses, here we are, experiencing it firsthand. I must confess though, I find it thrilling and I feel invigorated, at the same time, it is absolutely draining. The sudden burst of energy and uncertainty we’re usually filled with in the morning, gives way to excitement and awe sometimes by midday and by late afternoon sheer exhaustion. It is fun however, a learning experience designed to be etched in our memories forever! I doubt any of us would ever have to experience such again all through the remainder of our lives.

My daughter calls every morning, afternoon and nighttime, sometimes the little brother was there with her and at other times, it was just her. It was always soothing to hear from her. From “mommy, so how do you feel now?” to “when are you coming home?” there is something inspiring about hearing from them, an absolutely priceless feeling. On Wednesday by noon, I received their call immediately I was done with classes around 3pm, and they sang a birthday song to me, boy! was I so happy? that was  an understatement. There I was, thinking about how to join the very long queue (under the sun) in order to sign out for the day, the only thing on my mind: how to empty my bladder, get some food and say my salat, then settle in to call them. For a moment there, I’d totally forgotten it was my birthday. It was a pleasure to just listen to them sing, I also sang along with them and simply blushed my present troubles away at that moment.

Everything came rushing back: the reality of what day it was. I opened my phone to hundreds of messages – best wishes, prayers, some with my pictures up their walls, and all that. It was quite overwhelming. The previous year, I had plans. It was my third decade then and I’d plan to celebrate it in a simple style – with my Foundation’s anniversary, launching of 2 of my books (journal of a student mother and a book of poetry) and also simply showing gratitude at how far I’ve come – Three wholesome decades! It was such a big deal. But then, 2020 was a year that happened to a lot of us; simply surviving was the height of most of our achievements. I lost my (late) husband to cancer and that was it for me. I spent my birthday in mourning – I was in “iddah” (waiting period – a compulsory 4 months and 10days stay indoors for a widow in Islam) I remember my family and a very few close friends throwing me a surprise “something” though, it was indeed memorable.

Some time in between trying to think of something to celebrate myself with – a good food perhaps (and most importantly), and how to solve the task for the day (our assignment – we get one for the next class before the end of each class of the day) I dug out some of the pictures from the previous year, and I couldn’t help the overwhelming emotions that enveloped me. I shrugged the loss off and simply embraced the gratitude and sheer happiness on the surface of it. The words of my Lord  in suratu d-Dhuhaa Q93:v5
“And your Lord is going to give you, and you will be satisfied. “Struck me and all I could think of was that
“So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?” (Q55:v25)
Absolutely none!

My Lord has given me, and I am graciously satisfied.

I spent the night with my friend, my roommate and we found a super nice restaurant where we had a sumptuous and delicious meal. I was delighted.

The remainder of the week passed on quickly, except for an highlight the following day after my birthday when I had a meal pack delivered to me from my sis/Bro-In-law. I was pleased to receive it, plus the food was delicious. I had my first experience of being asked a question in class on Friday and alhamdulillah, I was able to respond. I couldn’t go home on Friday because we had to prepare at our group meeting the following day, a Saturday, for our Monday course task. I left for home as soon as I could, after attending the meeting and attempting the tasks given with the group. It was a tiring drive: at some point, I had to park somewhere to catch a few minutes power nap in fact. I would have simply loved to stay behind and explain to my kids that I couldn’t make it: for a moment, that option was so appealing, I needed all the rest I could get anyway and in addition, I still have some catching up to do with my studies. I simply couldn’t; I owe them this much.

It was indeed an eventful week and the best parts of it were the times I spent listening to my husband tell me how beautiful I am, how much he believes in me, and looking forward to spending the weekend, regardless of how short it is, with my lil’ lovies.

Mar’yam Thaoban

NobleHeart

11.12.’21

NLS Chronicles Wk1

My Stressed face

The week came to an end as soon as it started. We had begun.

It was our fifth day of registration and all I felt was soreness, head and back ache, cough and general tiredness, and we’re not even done yet.

The registration had started pretty smooth and quick, by day one, I’d sorted accommodation and moved into an executive room – the only better option in the “not-well-maintained” hostel building, as with every other thing across various sectors in the country, the best option would be the super executive, an ensuite room that is meant for a single occupant. Well, you need money to pay for where I stay, and  good money to pay for the super executive, when you have neither, you would have to stay in the general room where you’re “packed” with 5 (more or less) other persons of varying personalities, tribes and faith, in a room where the condition is nothing to write home (or to blog) about.

The five-stage registration ought to be a seamless and quite straightforward process, but no, it was far from it. Those who had the opportunity to complete theirs by day 3 or 4 have been done huge favours in return for a favour or were simply enjoying some privileges, very few were just fortunate. It was a wholesomely tiring and highly grating experience, for me especially in my present condition, and others in similar status.

Every morning I heard from my kids, the sweet low voice of the elder one gives me all I need to start the day with while the energetic voice of the younger one reminds me to keep going regardless. By noon/evening, after school, we speak again and I fill them in on how tiring my day was and how exhausted I was, their soothing “sorry mommy” is usually enough to make me forget the stress of the day but for the aches and soreness I feel in specific parts of my body, I turn to painkillers for rescue. My husband also calls in every now and then, telling me of how proud he is of me and how strong and beautiful I am. By the end of day 4 however, upon seeing how wasted I was, he asked me, in a sincere conversation, if I wanted to keep up with the process or I needed a break, temporarily or even permanent one, I have enough work cut out for me anyway. I told him sincerely how I just have to see this through, that I believe the stress would be over once registration is completed. In all honesty though, I do not believe that entirely, but at least, registration stress would be over and it would have given way to “academic stress”. It is all part of the package you see – a learning process, and especially in a country such as ours, everything is hard except that which God has made easy.

It was day 5 already and I was fortunate to have completed 4 out of the 5 stages required to be a bona-fide student of the Nigerian Law School, Lagos Campus. I’d fallen sick however. I went home to my family as soon as I could, the over 1 hour drive was not something I looked forward to but I did it anyway, the end they say justifies whatever you had to sacrifice to get there – I just wanted to see my kids, and sleep on my bed, and make my food, and spend quality time with my husband.

I miss my friends though, my sisters. I’m grateful however, one is with me in Lagos and we share the room, others have been posted to other NLS campuses: Yola, Abuja and Enugu. I’m glad they’re not alone there too and we do catch up every now and then on the group chat. There are several other familiar faces from school, the “fortunate ones”, the “bookworms”, the “privileged ones” Et cetera. We see one another, exchange pleasantaries and move on with our individual determination and goals, what brought us together might be similar but what drives us in unequalled.

Take me for instance, In the course of pursuing this degree and getting to this stage in particular, it has been sheer grace – God’s grace.

Now is not the time to unfold it all, I have aching eyes and a back to put to rest, and some lil’ ones to rock to bed and spend quality time with for now.

I pray the coming weeks are easier to live through.

“Allahumma la sahla illa ma ja’altahu sahla, wa ‘anta taj-alul hazna idha shi’ta sahla

Meaning: “O Allah! There is nothing easy except what You make easy, and You make the difficult easy if it be Your Will.”

I already made this a part of my routine supplication, among others, may Allah keep us firm upon His path and may He continue to ease our affairs.

Mar’yam Thaoban

NobleHeart

3.12.’21

I Mean To Inspire

It is 2019 already and all I want is that my life inspire you in every possible way. It would be more beautiful if you would return the gesture; inspire me too.

2nd quarter of 2018, we were informed that our school, the Premier Institute of Journalism in Nigeria – Nigerian Institute of Journalism – would have its convocation ceremony. We were a couple of years late, it didn’t matter to most of us. Those who needed their statements of results already paid to get it, those who intended to further their studies in the institute were admitted already; my set was in its final year of their Higher National Diploma studies in fact, some like us who sought admission to pursue other dream courses did and the ones who were simply no longer interested existed…

We paid the necessary fees and the day came, we were all excited, glad to see each other after a couple of years and more, happy to share one other beautiful moment, the last for some of us.

I got to the school quite late, on arrival a few course mates of mine were hailing me “efiwe” “pack all gifts” “bookie” etc some simply said congratulations. I smiled them off and went to collect my gown and stuff.

I got the brochure for the event and I realized why my colleagues were all hailing, mine was the only name on the distinction list in my set, it didn’t end there, I was also listed as the best student in Public Relations and the outstanding Student for National Diploma level 2015.

I had a rush of emotions. Shock, joy, pride among others. I rushed down to where my mom and son sat and showed it to her happily. I was proud of myself. I did it! Without exactly meaning to.

I already had my first baby by the time I got admission into the school and I was pregnant with my son during my final exams in the school, in fact, I got delivered of him the last day I went to submit my project for final assessment and a go ahead to publish. The boy was now a 2-year-old boy, there to celebrate with me and I couldn’t stop a tear drop from falling…

Back to where I started, sometimes we don’t know who we inspire and with what? All it takes is being good at whatever you do, try better too and aim best. I never set out to inspire before now, no conscious effort to, I simply do things in ways I know best to do them and a few would talk about how inspired they are by these things.

Today, I want to set out to Inspire you, but nothing would be more beautiful than you returning the gesture ; please Inspire me too.

Cheers to an amazing and super prosperous 2019!

Mar’yam Thaoban

NobleHeart

2/1/’19

This is not my story…. Yet.

My name is Mar’yam, daughter of Thaoban Adam Abdullahi of Ilorin, Kwara state.

I was born on a Saturday, 8th of December 1990.

I am the first of 9 siblings; 5 charming guys and 3 other beautiful girls.

Today would mark my 28th year, living, healthy and happy.

Now, a lot of people see me and say “she’s lucky”, I see me and say “I am blessed”.

Today, I would not tell you about all the mistakes I have made in the past; far and near, nor will I tell you of the paths I have threaded; rough and smooth. Though, I do not desire to bore you with memories of me growing up, neither do I wish to encumber you with dear wishes for the future, a little of it all is what would get us to our destination.

I believe strongly I am where I’m supposed to be. I have no explanation for that beyond the total trust I have in my Lord who has brought me this far.

“28 is a big number to me”, I remember saying to a new friend, just recently. “well you’re still quite young… You’re not 35” my friend said. “…At 35, I would be a really big woman in sha Allah…” I stated.

As much as I am not one with a mapped out “5-10 years goal plan” not even “new year resolutions” do it for me, I simply live my life one day a time. I believe strongly however, that if I am where I am at 28 and I do not stop working hard, I should be that “woman” at 35.

You see, folks like us don’t get our dreams handed to us on a platter of gold, we work, hard, sometimes harder, for it. I was never born with “a silver spoon” (would have loved to check the kind of spoon though, for history’s sake at least), neither was I raised in a mansion. The only luxury we had, growing up, was a large extended family, we were quite a number of us, staying with my maternal grandmother, from whom I accumulated wisdom(God bless her beautiful soul) we were all close and fortunate to have ourselves, we still are. I believe there is where I learnt my first important lesson at life; people are important to you (and your success), family most importantly. That also is where I held my second lesson at life, to be One of average wants and desires.

Years later, I had to stay with my mother, she gave me the greatest assets I have today; a kind heart and love for children. She had just completed her service and she had a little boy, my 3rd brother to take care of, he was still a toddler then, soon my world revolved around his’; I had to babysit him most of the time. A couple of years later, she had another, right there in my arms, and another, then another (I call this one my “1st born”) until the very last one.

From her I drew strength, knowledge, resilience, determination. In her I found passion, charity, beauty, and with her, I learnt Love (the African woman kind), hard work, patience and peace.

My father was away for some while, he went to the Arab’s man land to study, never knew much about him growing up. During our holidays however, he would take us out; swimming, then to the eatery or travelling, he travels a lot. He got back to Nigeria permanently a few years after I’d started staying with my mom.

Dad became our teacher, our friend and our father. He was always a teacher first. You have to learn everything learnable. He would read us books about Thomas Eddisson (he’s still looking for a Thomas Eddisson from amongst us), Alexander the great, tell us history of places, people, wars and all, and there is always a portion of the Qur’an to memorize every morning.

I grew up to love and admire him immensely, this is a man with vast knowledge and enormous ideas. He is a go-getter.

With him, I was trained to withstand heat, to be faithful, to be resourceful, to be smart, to be accountable (we still keep a book of account for anything we get from him), to be industrious, to seek knowledge, regardless; “no knowledge is a waste” he always say, to respect people; old and young, different faith, tribes and all. The list is endless.

I stayed with my paternal grandmother for a little less than a year, just before I got married. She was formidable, a force to reckon with, a lioness, a leader by example, a wise-box (as opposed to chatterbox) above all, she was a mother, a caregiver, the embodiment of charity. Family is everything to her, love, peace and unity were her watchword, and she valued human relations, her PR skill was top notch. All these I learnt from her and she was my confidant. I miss her a lot still. God bless her departed soul.

I never had the luxury of having “role models” like folks do now. My mother and father have always been my role models (topic for another day).

On friendship, I have only a few, a very few in fact. I look forward to making new acquaintances almost everyday though, for I know the value of human relations and human resources. I have folks I consider friends for we’ve “broken bread” or “teaed”, we’ve chatted deep into the night and reached out to ourselves for emotional support and more. But the only true ones, the ones I go to any length for and with, the ones I have come to accept as family are those who support my little endeavours; conspicuously and otherwise.

Of arrogance, I have no share, but of pride, I have cause to feel. I’m proud, most importantly, of being a mother; of a beautiful wise little girl and a smart cute little boy. I am also proud, of our achievements, though little, at the NobleHeart Children Foundation, that pride isn’t mine alone, it has always been a collective thing.

Gratitude, a word that never could bear the enormous weight of thankfulness and appreciation I feel, to God Almighty first and most importantly, for “my 28”, all before, within and beyond it, then to my parents, to my siblings, my spouse, my loved ones; friends and NobleHeart Family, my clients, and my well-wishers.

“When the time is here and I leave, I would, gladly and grateful, with a soft smile, hopefully, for the only thing that would be worthy in my life spent, are the ones I touched in different ways possible”

My name is Mar’yam Thaoban

And this is not my story, yet.

NobleHeart

Dec. 08 2018

On the side, I actually am a very happy person, make it get contagious too sometimes.

The Joy and The Crying Out Loud

Sometimes I simply don’t know whose joy is greater, theirs or mine? Each time we set eyes on one another after a long tedious week of academic activities and every other thing in between.

I mostly find it hard to contain my excitement at the thought of going home and once I get on my way nothing else comes to mind, beyond beholding the full grin on my lil’ man’s face and his sister’s toothy smile (gummy rather, she lost all her incisors already).
Going home every weekend at times proof difficult, especially when I finish late on a Friday, so I leave for home on a Saturday to return to school on a Sunday. I therefore go home once during the week; Wednesdays most times, returning back to school on Thursday in time for a noon class. As little as those times were, they appear endless and super precious to I and my kids.

Not all times fun and excitement though.

Warm tears spilled down my face the other day…

I got home to find a bump on my lil’ man’s forehead. He was asleep and I missed seeing his gleeful and toothy grin on setting his little eyes on me. I gently pressed the bump and he squirmed with a painful expression in his sleep, a tear-drop escaped and I could hold others back no more. I let it spill, then I burst out in sobs. In no time, I cried out loud.

I felt guilt. I felt sadness. I felt disappointment. I could almost feel all the energy within draining off me in that instance. Above all I felt like a failure.

I berated myself, cried and wouldn’t stop until several minutes afterwards. I felt like holding him in my hands and looking into his sister’s eyes, promising them that I love them so much and would love to spend every moment with them, that I would rather an harm comes to me than them any way. That things are only the way they are now because mommy is trying to put some things in place for them. And so many sweet honest desires and dear wishes.

I got home just yesterday, only to find a scar on my son’s forehead, no one had an explanation to how it came to be. His sister then narrated how he was taken to the hospital some days ago after putting a bead into one of his ears, not his first time actually. I had a momentary scare and soon got over it. I then checked the ears and asked their dad if there was no complications to which he gave a positive response, with my mind finally at ease I looked at him and said a silent prayer to God. He’s actually way different when compared to his sister so I don’t bother doing that anyway, I simply pray and talk ever so gently with him.

Just a couple of days ago, my lil’ man clocked 3, I couldn’t even spend the day with him. I rushed down home from school just to see them for a couple of minutes before rushing back out. We had an NGO event to prepare for the following day. I called them later in the night and he told me all he wanted me to get them (toys and snacks mostly), I recall his sister telling me before leaving in the morning “why do you have to go mommy, can’t you leave tomorrow morning.” I explained my situation to her and she nodded in plain acceptance and perhaps a little understanding. I spoke at length with her too that night and I promise them I’d show up during the week, with their goodies of course.

It gets easier to live with; the consequences of your choices and decisions. Not that it would no longer hurt or the feelings of guilt and more would end. You simply learn to live with it and accept your lot. They have too, it’s now easier for them to say “mommy bye” whenever I have to leave. Besides, there’s usually no assurance that things would not unfold the way they are meant to unfold (positively or negatively), regardless of your choices or decisions. Why berate oneself then, over what one has no direct control.

It’s painful though, the thought of one’s family, children especially, learning to live getting used to one’s regular absence. I watch tears form in my eyes when they mistakenly call “daddy see this…” before realizing it’s mom they’re talking to, they correct it instantly though, even before completing the sentence. I’ve learnt to live with that too.

Every single moment together is however cherished and priceless.

I end this episode with the last stanza in my very recent poem:

“Of all that are laid
One keeps her: HOPE
For behind it lies Life…

Hope, that’s the spirit of moving. Just a couple more years in sha Allah! So help me God.

Mar’yam Thaoban.

NobleHeart

Congratulations Momma!

I received a whole lot of congratulatory messages the other day. It wasn’t my first, and I felt the same way i’d always feel when ever I’m being honored with some accolades; I felt incomplete, as my babies weren’t there with me still. This time however, my lil’ man was, his sister was in school and quite far away.

I had just graduated from my college of first instance, the Nigerian Institute of Journalism (NIJ), where I had a National Diploma certificate in Mass Communication; that which qualifies me as a trained journalist here in Nigeria, according to the Nigerian Union of Journalists (NUJ). I’d completed my studies in NIJ since year 2015, but the institute just had it’s convocation where we all (up to 5 sets) graduated at once.

It was a moment of great joy to find my name as the only student who held distinction from my set, and I was awarded the overall best graduating student in the ND category of the year 2015. I knew I had put up a whole lot of academic works while I was a student there, a lot more than I am doing in my present course of study, but I wasn’t exactly pursuing the distinction. I simply knew I had to put in my best, which I did then. It was actually my first challenge to prove some people wrong, based on some events while growing up. I’m glad I scaled through it.

I remember having my second baby the exact day I submitted my project for final approval of my supervisor, Mrs M. Popoola, a very straight and supportive woman. It seems like just yesterday, yet that baby has grown into a lil’ man.

My kids are not old enough to know what exactly this mean, and every other times I’d been awarded for one reason or the other, I would think about them and say to my self: for you lil’ Nobles, all for you. Patiently I await the days they would know what it all means, and they would be spurred to do more than their momma. My mother remains my number one role model and everything I have achieved and would still achieve, I owe it to her, next to God.

Again, some things are bound to keep you up when so many others are asleep; Dreams to pursue, projects to plan, assignments to complete, books to study, calendar to update, and a bunch of other stuffs. You don’t get to sleep when there’s just so much to do and your day is filled with just as much. Keeping up with this journal is one of such things for me.

Really been a long while here though and I have more keeping up to do, despite that I do the whole keeping up in my mind, I never get to get them published on time. My plate has been so full in recent times; I just started a new business brand, and there just never seem to be enough time for so many things. Just wanted to put this up, as it is the most recent and another awesome experience to keep afresh at all times.

Now, I have exams to prepare for, but before then, I hope to enjoy the remaining hours of this weekend with my little treasures. This week is set to be really tasking, and I pray myself and my friends all the best in our exams.

Amen.

Thank you for reading.

Kindly drop your thoughts in the comment box and remember to follow this blog for more updates about the student mother.

Cheers

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